"What a way to do it..." / Grief, Release, Growth

Presence is one of my biggest stumbling blocks, it’s something I work on daily, and it’s been in short supply since Q entered this world, because I am a planner/organizer by nature and I was also working in Developmental Disability Service Coordination for his first 5 years (<— my hours and mind were often with one of my many families/clients).

Just as the pandemic hit & I was laid off (from the greenhouse work I had transitioned to with the hope of staving off work-induced mental/heart overload from the disability realm), I could have used it to soak up more time with him, but instead started working tirelessly to amplify all the environmental/nutritional information I was learning, because we’re in an actual state of climate emergency right now, and I see his future (and that of millions of other species) getting gobbled up purely for taste while society runs around saying, “But what can we do?!”

Reducing our animal product consumption and transitioning toward Plant-Based Whole-Foods (<—or as much as possible) is the biggest impact solution for individuals pushing back on climate change (<—and this is even coming from someone who was once an energy auditor contracted under Con Edison and National Grid, as well as a Senior Project Manager for solar installations in NY, NJ, CT), and if the environmental imperatives/glory weren’t enough: it’s also one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself, it is inexpensive (far less than our old way of eating), AND it is compassionate. (Win, win, win, win.)  

I find myself in a state of purposeful panic in how to relay/shake-awake as many folks as possible to this fact so we can alleviate as much damage as possible (<—what we’re working toward right now is trying to make the already bad-case future not turn into the disastrous-case <—this is why we need folks to wake up!), and I’m not alone: The United Nations, Oxford, Harvard School of Health, American College of Cardiology, etc they are all saying the same thing, but here at ground-level these conversations aren’t happening enough and most of what I see are celebrations and meals still centered around the foods that will ruin our collective future, even by loved ones who’ve heard me harking these facts for years.

We can grieve for our environmental future (and all the species swept up in that swell) just as rawly as we can grieve for a soul we loved dearly, and humanity’s painfully slow growth arc juxtaposed with our devastatingly swift planetary destruction, swept me into a cycle of grief over the last three years, and I’m still tumbling through it in endless repeat: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. I’ve mostly spun fuming in the anger sector (much to our collective dismay), because I naively thought learning the environmental & health reasons alone would snap everyone awake (<— finally seeing them connected so clearly is what woke us Cappello Three), but the fact that there is still steadfast denial of these beginning facts makes my heart howl at all that will be lost, and all we’ll continue to destroy as we sprint toward “too-late-to-fix-it-now”.

I try to optimistically deny this eventuality, but without impetus and realization we can’t hope for action, without action we are doomed, and as one who will claw out a sliver of silver-lining or solution from any seemingly helpless pit, I keep trucking on with what I can do: implementing everything I can within our own home (while continuously learning and implementing more ways to reduce our environmental impact) and share as much as I can in the hope that it inspires others to do the same.

Thus, balancing out how to be present while protecting the future for Q has become one of my biggest growth lessons.

I shot it all to heck initially doing daily resource blasts, then thoroughly imploded it when Crystal and I started a Plant-Based Whole-Food (Fully-Cooked) weekly zero-waste meal-delivery business at the end of 2020 (we had/have such demand and a wait-list so staggering that it became more than our money or bandwidth could cover —we’d worked through the holidays & in every waking hour for months—, it crashed when we outgrew our affordable kitchen & within the same 12 hours Q said in tears, “All you ever do is work, my heart is broken, and last night I couldn’t stop crying.”)… whillllllle also homeschooling him: meaning he got me present when I was instructing him, and then I’d race off mentally to work, write, or perform any of my other Mom Life & Board of Education tasks.

I’m big on finding silver-linings, but I am equally skilled at burning myself out in all vectors, and 2021 has been a LOT of stumbling over shuffling priorities and focus.

I was (we all were) in high-pitched frazzle when my aunt asked if we’d like to have a week at her place in in Delray Beach, FL. We were first going to say “no” because that’s such a long way to drive from CNY, but it was an incredibly kind offer (brought heartbreakingly on by the passing of her soulmate), Ian had vacation days saved, we all agreed we could use some time away to be present with each other (ie not here and working on myriad tasks <— and what a way to honor the life of a loved one, by remembering to be present with the ones still here), and Ian said it would great for Q to view such a different ecosystem, pointed out that it’d bring us more South than we’ve ever been, and said it would give us a chance to check out the Keys before they are gone to our ocean’s rising waters.

What a way to “get away from it all”, eh? Appreciate, witness, learn, grieve, move forward with greater appreciation & purpose.


Continue for: a family who once ate all the meats/dairy/processed food & didn’t think a second about single-use items or sustainability; who for a long while were then doing local/organic/free-range/hormone-free animal products with lots of fresh/roasted veg and used zero-waste household items to contain them; to the family who realized the food we were putting in those reusable containers made a significantly bigger impact environmentally/healthfully/compassionately; and is now thriving via Plant-Based (Mostly) Whole-Foods and did a trip from Central New York to Delray Beach, FL with a focus on environmental consideration (ie successes, restaurants helping to make the earth a better place, missteps, and lessons learned).

Live Kindly, Feast Kindly, Grow Forward.

“What a way to do it…” became a family trip in-joke after we proposed getting our bodies moving after the long drive and offered the pool. Q responded, “Wow, what a way to do it!” with such a fullness of wonder and appreciation that it stuck as a trip manta.

So immersing ourselves in an area that will be (and already is) directly affected by climate change, while making sure to discuss this openly and ways we are doing as much as we can to prevent this eventuality, was a similar (appreciative) “Wow, what a way to do it…”


Here seen, Q’s first steps into the Atlantic (after 2 days of driving).

This public beach was across the street from my aunt’s place, so we walked here each day with a feast of gratitude.
Ocean views, fellow human views (like these lovebirds kissing to the left of Q and me <3 ), various wildlife, and for a cub who is happiest around some manner of water: he was in complete heaven.

Path back “home”.

Path down at night with a solar lantern. Aim was to see the full moon, but we had a cloudy night that gave us beautiful views of a different sort.

Delray Beach

First time (for us) seeing such powerful moonbeams, and even if we didn’t see the moon it was stunning to see how the light played with the clouds, and to hear Q running around and telling stories in the background.

Same spot by day.

This is what it had looked like the day before we left (in the backyard of a dear friend). Thankfully we appreciate snow too and are endlessly grateful we have such a place to roam. (We’ll come back to this place post-trip and talk about all the environmental work Bob does here.)

And how’d we get prepared to be gone for 10 days and do so with as little waste as possible? We started packing & cooking days ahead.

Here seen: Q playing under the only sort of palms found around here (ones in pots) and given to us by our beloved David Barber.

Here seen: a bunch of reusable grocery bags and misc other old bags always pulled out for car trips.

We always hit library before a trip and fill at least 2 bags worth of books for Q to peruse. There’s also board games, home school work, various craft options, a tote to supplement cooking (dried goods, spices, sauces, kitchen gear, etc), a reusable lint roller for all that tag-along Wicket fur, and the mini DVD player we use for squished-together family movie nights. (Silver Bullet was the choice this year.)

To travel so far with a hope of still getting time to stretch legs before bed-time, we tend to leave around 3AM so we can get to wherever we’re going by midafternoon.
Here seen: Q’s chipper face as we were setting off.

Sipping on my Oatly & Coffee from one of our omnipresent canteens.

He got an entire week’s worth of Math and ELA worksheets done on the way down, so that while we were there it could be more verbal instruction.

An unexpected highlight of driving South this time of year: endless miles of flowering trees.

What are some of our favorite road snacks? Apples are as omnipresent as the canteens, as are nuts, but we also brought some of Tara’s sweetly gifted granola.

And we brought roasted chickpeas. :-)

Most Loved Road Snack: Lentil Crisps are obnoxiously good and their bags can be sent back via TerraCycle.

Those road apples come in handy for sharing at our Air BnB stopover in Dunn, NC. For 60 bucks there’s a cabin in the back of a Mom and Daughter horse boarding operation where Q has space to stretch road weary legs and soak up nature.

Complete with friendly barn cats. :-)

Family cheers: wholegrain banana bread we’d brought down with sweet cashew cream, scooped up with the cutlery we always have on us.

Appreciation: he’s a great traveler, but it came with a lot of practice and trial and error. Now, he’ll read, draw, listen to audiobooks/music with us, tell us his own stories, and snooze.

First meal in Delray: The New Vegan.

We picked up takeout as we got into town after another 12 hours of driving. We tried their mushroom burger with salad, house rice (which had all sorts of mixed veg and amazing spices in it), plant-based mac, and they make a fried “chicken” out of jackfruit that tasted better than any fried chicken I ever ate (<— and I was one of those people who’d eat it by the bucket-full from childhood through my early 30s), and if I lived closer to this restaurant it’d be dangerous. :-D

We’re drinking their lemon ginger tea (which was loved by all) and we saved these containers and used them as beach plates and then also brought them home for continued re-use (containing greens in the fridge, good for holding baked goods, good for sending home visitors with leftovers, etc).

We travel with cloth napkins too. We’ve had this set for almost a decade now.

Before we left I had made food that we could use through the week. I tend to bring base and supplemental things so that if we do any kind of eating out, we’ll be able to do something with the leftovers.

Here seen: cashew queso, quick pickled cabbage, black rice, quinoa, peanut sauce, braised carrots, berry sauce, mashed potatoes, almond parm, roasted chickpeas, and Pumfu (<—pumpkin seeds).

We seek out fresh produce whenever we perch somewhere, and found a farmer’s market down the road to supplement what was in the fridge.

Fresh greens, green onions, black rice, QPC, pumfu, braised carrots, and peanut sauce.

Similar (several days later) but over quinoa.

Fresh Greens, Pumfu, QPC, almond parm, and a ginger lime dressing (from the farmer’s market too), with vacation “treat” tater tots.

Local salsas, some Cuban beans, and store-bought guac (this container also came in handy for beach eating, but was then recycled), with our cashew queso & QPC.

Misc leftovers with roasted chickpeas and almond parm.

Ian found Q this cereal as a “treat” (it’s made out of chickpeas) and Q was in food heaven.

And the other big treat was purchasing some plant-based ice cream. Arctic Zero is made from fava beans and Cado is made from avocados. Both are incredibly delicious ( <— again, coming from someone who ate ice cream almost nightly and loved it so much slinging scoops was my first job) and they are also compassionate.

And though we mostly ate in, we saved up for a few trips out. :-)

Love Life Cafe in Miami (where we stopped to see our old friend Bill) was a highlight in food and company.

Here Seen: Q overjoyed at the thought of having plant-based pizza (that’s spicy pomodoro pizza with walnut meat, peppers, and cashew cheese). I would have bought several more if I had an additional stomach/wallet.

We also tried their amazing arepas (Great Googly Moogly were those things delectable) and their burger, and the leftovers from all of the above fed us through this day and onto the next.

And Love Life was amazing, but my absolute favorite spot was this The Raw Machine oasis in Key West.

The Raw Machine has a wrap with arugula, cashew cheese, and a “sundried tomato and walnut pate” concoction that was so dang good Q ate more than half of mine.
If you’re a lover of food and enjoy that trips sometimes give you flavor line-ups you wouldn’t have previously considered, you are my heart kin, and this was one of those things Q and I will be reverse engineering and recreating for years to come.

Even their dang bean side salad was amazing! I ate this on the drive back from Key West to Delray.

Hawker’s Asian Street Fare takeout: vegan pad thai, spring rolls, green beans, there was also Roti, and our peanut sauce.

Those little sauce cups are something I frequently forget about, try to reuse as much as I can, and then recycle.

And the last meal we had in Delray: “chicken” and waffles from The New Vegan, empanadas from Blondie’s Vegan Bakery, and homemade salads.

And we weren’t sitting around and eating all the time :-), we were bouncing back and forth from the beach to pool, and we went on 2 day trips both with environmental bents.
The first was Key West… with much discussion of its sea level placement and how our ocean’s rising waters will make these islands unlivable within Quillan’s lifetime.

That crowd of people is around the Southern-Most-Tip photo spot. We avoid crowds even when we’re not in a a pandemic, and thus this photo-op was good enough for us. :-)

We went to the southernmost tip of Key West (Fort Zachary Taylor) and spent the morning in the water.

Q had fun finding crabs and spotting schools of fish in the water.

Picnicking under pines and trying a new (delicious) chip. Full disclosure: we love a chip, but we limit our consumption because there’s nothing to do with this wrapper but throw it away.

Second environmental trip was to The Everglades where we did an eco tour on invasive species and explaining how the Everglades processes and purifies the water for Flordia’s aquifer. Had no idea that this precious ecosystem is responsible for 80% of Florida’s drinking water!

Q (Oh he of biology and botany love) was in heaven. <3

Q Life: making the most out of every square inch of nature and imagination. This was a tiny decorative garden outside of my aunt’s unit and he imagined it a deep sea forest and this lost frond a giant squid. This space entertained him for countless shady hours at the rental.

Mom Life: playing in the trees with him as he makes up some sort of sapsucker game with a pine needle and palm tree trunks.

Mom Life: working on reading with him while Ian takes a mid-day siesta.

Mom Life: leading him and cheering him on as he pushes himself to swim across the pool.

Q loves swimming (this was another reason we said “Yes, Please!”) and he was in the pool every day: playing but also practicing new skills.

And we also found a way to get to the beach each day. This is an ecosystem we do not live close enough to for his water-loving self.

"Mama, I am like a lizard and you are like the sun, thus you are precious to me like a gemstone." <3

Apple all day every day. :-)

We pick up litter in our own community, and we pick up litter when out.

Papa Life: leading Q with kindness, wisdom, play, and big-hearted motivation.

Papa Life: throwing around a 6 year old like an infant (much to Q’s delight) and taking years off the Mom’s life as she watches.

<3

Annnnd we stopped over in Dunn again on the way back. <3

Mom Life: when you need to be up at 2:30AM the next morning to drive back home, so you snuggle your cub down to sleep pre-sunset.

Found at a Food Lion in Dunn and eaten over the last stretch of driving home. This tasted like Buffalo Dip but was made with the above ingredients and this is another thing we plan to start making around here.

Where do we stop when travelling? We pack a cooler full of stuff like the above and fruit, and then have picnic lunches at rest stops.

The kinds of stuff (<—Audrey 2) Q is working on while we’re driving. <3

Arriving home to a (thankfully <— because we have been in a drought) rainy CNY with a cub who helped unpack the car… when he wasn’t getting distracted by all the flowers that had popped up while we were gone. :-)

There was a beautiful distraction of dandelion, phlox, and tulip.

And bleeding hearts. <3

Cooler leftovers and gifts.
Sweet Crystal had dropped off that fig cake the day before we left, I accidentally left it in the fridge (and pined for it with a wail when I realized I’d done so), we had our house-sitter (Grandpa) throw it in the freezer, and it was a celebrated welcome home treat on our first night back.

Q found this coconut while we were down there and brought it home so Ian could work on cracking it.

Much coconut water was gifted back to our porch steps :-) (when Q accidentally dropped it), but some sweet mouthfuls were shared with the family.

The last bits of The New Vegan’s jackfruit fried “chicken” were eaten like leftover vacation treasures.

As were the last of the Cuban-style black beans.

And home, we were launched back into a momentarily busy routine (Ian is coaching Q’s TBall team on top of his own work —and his own softball team—, I’m the entire league’s treasurer, and Q has made it quite clear that he’ll go through the rest of this year but has no desire to do anything baseball related in the future <— “Sign me up for a chess club, swimming, or wrestling, but never again with the baseball! PLEASE!”) and I tabled pushing out writing for more moments to be present with this soul who will happily run alongside an athletic field plucking up dandelions blooms to blow.

Presence compromise: I like listening to music, podcasts, or birdsong while I tend to our garden but have started to tune in more to whatever story Q wants to tell or the various things he wants to show me.
Here seen: I’m doing the yearly work of pruning back the hops from the black-raspberries and he’s pointing out every pollinator he sees.

And instead of running off to type something, I’m focusing more on his home schooling than I had been, which means outside of our usual worksheets and journals, we’ve been doing more science-lead learning outdoors and more books (his most requested plea) in the mornings and afternoons.

Thank you dearly to Grandma for keeping his plant pets alive! <3

Butterworts

Sundew

The many beautiful Portugese Man of War spotted on our trip inspired Q to write a whole weekly theme on them upon return.

While they are beautiful to behold, they sure can make swimming tricky; and as our waters warm they are working their way up our Atlantic coast. Given the ability to grow 100ft/30m stinging dactylozooids, we may want to prevent this northern migration by stepping away from the actions that are leading to the climate change propelling them beyond their usual waters.

They are also one of the few creatures that can cause stings even when on land (for hours or even days) after washing ashore and dying.

I love this for multiple reasons: it’s a wise poem, he recited it in totality to our neighbor, he practiced hard to get these all right, and I love his margin doodles. <3

Tangentially (to the neighbor, but all to environmental issues and conservation), we were racing through the week with too much to do for TV or seeing our beloved neighbor Bob, and at the end of the week we took a treat to watch some PBS before heading over to Bob’s to plant trees, and stumbled upon this Arthur that was all about trees and carbon sequestration!

Beloved Bob: has planted over 5,000 trees on his property and is a font of biological and botanical knowledge for Q.

While Bob and I planted trees, Q ran around eating nettle. When it was time to go, they got a few feet in the cart (I always run after them), and Q hollered, “WAIT! STOP! Please!!!”... jumped out, grabbed another handful of nettle, held it up triumphantly, and cheered “Road snack!”

Bob’s good for Q’s brain, and Q’s good for Bob’s (our) heart.

How we “treat” ourselves after hours of plant work: frozen berries we’d picked last summer, oatmilk, dates, and chia.

Drawn on a Thursday whim, video describing “alligator toothbrushing” here.

And our Friday Night Family Moving was spawned by discussions with our Miami friend about the ability to push past discomfort and how rare this resilience can be. Ian and I had been reminded of the documentary “Touching the Void” (about 2 climbers attempting Siula Grande), realized it’d be a good thing to show to Q as we speak often about the imperatives of pushing yourself forward especially when you feel helpless, and re-watching this was a wallop.

If you want to be gobsmacked with the power of a human to overcome an obstacle, give it a watch. I don’t want to say more and have it ruined for you. :-)

What’s the most impactful thing you can do as an individual to help your kin, community, millions of species, and planet? Transition as plant-based as possible.🌎♥️

Why? Plant-Based foods are environmentally imperative 🌎. They also promote ideal health💪 (which takes stress off our overburdened health care system), are inexpensive🙌, delicious🤤, & compassionate. 💕  

Why imperative, though? 🤔We’re approaching (& have crossed) climate tipping points that will doom our kin & millions of other species. 😱📣Reducing/eliminating animal products is the *most impactful thing an individual can do* to prevent worse. 🌎🔥

Why? Animal Agriculture creates more emissions than the entire transportation sector combined, it’s tied to water waste/loss/pollution (<-- freshwater is our most precious resource💧), land loss/deforestation (<-- exacerbates climate change by reducing our ability to sequester carbon🔥🌎), ocean acidification (<-- FYI 50-85% of earth’s oxygen originates from oceanic plankton🌊) & vast species loss/extinction/suffering💔📣🌎

Plus, consuming animal products is tied to increased risk of cardiovascular disease❤️‍🩹, diabetes👎, cancer👎, and chronic disease👎; whereas Plant-Based feasting is linked to preventing/reversing some of our most common diseases (<— like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and cancer); plus it promotes ideal health & robust strength (ie Olympians, Weightlifters, Endurance Athletes are thriving via PBWFs too). 🎉🙌♥️

What organizations are promoting plant-based diets for best health and environmental stability? National Institutes of Health,  Mayo Clinic, Yale, the United Nations, Harvard School of Health,  American Heart Association, American College of Cardiology, American Cancer Society, American Diabetes Association, The American Academy of Pediatrics, National Kidney Foundation, even the Parkinson’s Foundation.

We’re all overwhelmed in one way or another, but for the sake of our kin (and the millions of species we share this planet with) we need to start pivoting forward. As someone who once rarely ate green things & used to eat animal products at every meal, I can assure you that is possible, affordable, enjoyable, & purposeful to pivot Plant-Based. In fact, our whole family is now healthier/stronger than ever. 🙌♥️

Anecdotally, our son had failure-to-thrive, was also plagued with perpetual ear-infections/sinus-infections, and had an omnipresent runny nose. What was he eating? Grass-fed milk, organic/antibiotic-free/grass-fed/local meats, eggs from organic-fed/well-loved chickens from a neighbor, every meal came with vegetables, and we limited junkfood. He was healed via a plant-based diet: he’s launched out of that diagnosis and the last time he had a sinus-infection (or was sick at all) was in 2019 when he had some cheese at a school Christmas party. Before shifting to PBWF’s he was sick every month, and how he’s a robust, vital, thriving kiddo. 🙌🎉♥️

If you think any of the above sounds over-reached/absurd/impossible, please go read the links above. I understand the inclination to hackle-raise (<—because I was once totally there) but the science is clear: any step we make forward is imperative (<—and again “STEPS” is the focus. Don’t leap, just start making steps!). It’s as simple as starting with one meal a week and growing from there.💕

We have the ability (deliciously, healthfully, kindly, inexpensively) to *preserve/protect* the planet we share with millions of species & our kin. How are we going to use that power today?✌️🤟🖖